Thoughts on Christmas

It's so strange... it doesn't feel like Chrsitmas.

For one thing, we've had unusually warm, spring-like weather up here in Philly. No snow, no yearly visit from Santa at our store. It feels as though people have even forgotten about it (and I am guilty as well).

I've been swept up in all the Christmas-like things - shopping, spending, wrapping presents, etc - but have forgotten about CHRIST (for whom we are to celebrate this season).

When God sat down and began to write this chapter in history (the birth of Jesus), there was no mention of Santa, or Black Fridays. None of mistletoe either. Rather, he penned the story of a little babe, born in a stable, who would restore hope to a lost world. He would be called "King of kings" and "Prince of peace." This babe, born of holy lineage, having the very DNA of God Himself was welcomed into the world with no fanfare or celebration, however. No, instead he was welcomed into the world in the most humblest of ways.

The head upon which a holy crown once lay rested not on silk but upon a thin layer of hay, poking and prodding Him as he slept.

The hands that would one day heal the sick and calm storms held no silver rattle, but lay open to the world, ready to embrace it and one day be pierced for it.

The ears that once heard all of heaven sing, now heard a chorus of livestock mooing and baaing through the night.

And the eyes that once beheld the loving gaze of God Almighty now rested on the face of a carpenter and his young wife.

The heart of Him, pure and holy still, never forgot the reason He risked heaven itself. He sacrificed royal spendor for ridicule and persecution. Comfort for pain. Even during those first few moments, as he adjusted to the candlelight, and the smells and voices in the stable, He knew His mission. He knew He would one day suffer the cross for a world that refused Him. He knew He would be labeled a lunatic, a heretic and a fanatic. He knew He would be laughed at and scorned; mocked as He hung on the cross. He would have to endure hell itself.

And the amazing thing is that He - knowing full well what He would face and what He would have to give up - came. And he did so willingly. He came for you and for me. He was born and died for you and me so we would know rebirth, restoration and life-everlasting in Him.

As we share in this holiday let us be reminded of this. With each gift we give/receive would we remember His gift to us all.

Merry CHRISTmas everyone. May you be gifted with His love and favor.

Take me away!!!

I want to run away!

Maybe a nice secluded island where it's warm and the beach is RIGHT there.

Some place where the gentle lapping of the waves will lull me to sleep

and the ebb and flow of those waves will take with them every worry, concern, and hurt burdening my heart...

I want the sun to bathe me in it's warmth.

I want to run away!


But...


I already know that place.
And have been there countless times.
It's deep within me.
Engrained in the very fibers of my being



My Savior has taken me there time and time again



A place where every beat of His heart
and every drop of blood that was shed
washed away all the pain...
and hurt
and tears

Where the Son - through the cross
brought me warmth when the world turned it's cold shoulder to me
and joy when life insisted on tearing me down
vision when I was/am so lost
and peace even when my worrisome heart refuses to believe it

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

As tired as I am the cold and BEING cold (already and it's only the beginning of winter!) and as much as I'm dreading the TONS of snow that will undoubtedly fall upon us here in Philly, I can't tell you how much I LOVE SNOW!!!

I love taking a stroll with my dog in the wee hours of the morning when the world is asleep and everywhere there is nothing but SILENCE.

It's a quiet peacefulness that just fills me with a lightness and peace that I can't describe.

It's childish and a bit self-centered, but it's as if God has been waiting for me there in the quiet... waiting to spend some time with me and just me.

There in the quiet, I feel a sense of vulnerability, but, at the same time, confidence.

I feel as though God is calling me into that blissful, pure whiteness; calling me to a time a intimate aloneness with Him.

"I've saved this moment for you, my dear child. I've sent everyone else away. It's just you and me out here."

And as the snow gently falls upon my shoulders,
my head, the ground;
as I watch it quietly blanket the world in PURE, UNADULTERATED, UNTAINTED white,
I am reminded of how my Savior's own UNTAINTED blood and sacrifice
cover over me and my sins,
blanketing them in the PURENESS of His glory and righteousness
He falls upon me
covering me with His peace
His calm
His care.

Ever feel like...

You don't matter at all?

Like the world
and those you know
will continue
on their merry way without pausing
once
to LOOK at you
and let you know you matter?

---

Just random thoughts running through an even random mind...

Because when I really STOP
And quiet the voices
of insecurity and
and SPEAK
to this, my discouraged and broken heart
I can in all confidence say that...
I know in my heart

that
even if this world chooses to ignore and dismiss me,
there is ONE who never will.
HE cannot,
for HE created me in HIS WISDOM,
FOR HIS PURPOSES,
and HE WILL NOT FAIL TO SEE IT COMPLETED in me.

I belong
MIND, BODY & SOUL
to HIM who saved me
and to this TRUTH I will hold steadfast
that no matter how far I stray
or how many times I forget
I am SAVED BY GRACE...

and LOVED

Question?

Where is the line between being a pushover and uber assertive/condescending/bossy authoritarian? I need to find the balance.

Think I've hurt some people...

Hopefully, the break from LinX - and all the resposibilities that come along with it - will bring some enlightenment, growth, and, most of all... REST.

A Generation for Change...

I'm watching a live feed of "Live8 Philly"...

As I listen to these talented performers and watch the vignettes of those in need in Africa and all over, I can't help but feel a sense of conviction.

As much as these people are starving and dying (daily) due to lack of food, to just fill their stomachs would only meet their superficial need. There is a deeper need. One that surpasses our need for water or food, affection or comfort:

Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of living water welling up to eternal life.
- John 4:13, 14

And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore,
"they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them.
Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat upon them,
nor any scorching heat.
For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
- Revelation 7:15-17

We, as Christians (those healed by the cross and filled with the love of Christ) must pray for these people. Pray that our loving Father would not only meet their physical needs, but more importantly, their spiritual needs. Would He heal their hearts and bring joy (even amidst suffering).

Oh how easily I forget...

I stole this from a friend (who stole it from another... teehee).

Oh how easily I forget...

Because I Made Her…



She is different. She is unique. With love I formed her in her mother’s womb. I fashioned her with great joy. I remember with pleasure the days I created her. To Me she is beautiful. I love her. I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh and see the silly things she does. She is herself and no one else. This is how I made her.



I made her pretty, but not beautiful, because I know her heart, and I knew that she would be vain. I wanted her to search her heart, and learn that it would be Me in her that would make her beautiful. It would be My Spirit that would draw people to her.



I made her in such a way that she would need Me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be because I want her to turn to Me in her loneliness. I made her a little more dependent so that she would learn to lean and depend on Me.



I know her heart. I know that if I had not made her like this, she would go her own way and forget about Me, her Creator. I have given her many good and happy things, because I love her. I have seen her broken heart and the tears that she has cried alone. I have cried with her and had a broken heart, too.



I have placed in her a longing for love and for romance. Someday, when she has learned to love me with her whole heart, when she is ready, and when the one I have for her is ready, I will bring her a love far more wonderful than she could imagine. But not until it is time. My time. Because My timing is perfect.



Many days she has stumbled and fallen, because she would not listen to My voice. So many times, I have watched her do things her way, refusing to hold my hand. But now she is Mine again. With my entire life, I bought her. I paid a high price for her, because I love her. I have had to reshape her and remold her, renewing her for My plan. It has not been easy for her or for me. But I long for her to be conformed to My Image. This is the high goal I have set for her…

A General... Wonder...ment

I was at the gym the other day and decided to check the most recent class schedule when I came across something that puzzled me. Under Wednesday at 6:30 was listed "Seoul Dancing." Being Korean, the only possible thing I could imagine was that this was some class in traditional Korean fan dancing (but that made no sense). As I further examined the schedule I found a contact number:

If you are interested in Korean line dancing, please contact K*** C***.

I know what American line dancing is ("You can do it, it's electric!"), but what in the world is Korean line dancing?!?!?

Any thoughts?

Hey there LONELY girl...

Here's an excerpt from a (married) friend's blog... Good to know I'm not the only one who noticed.

"I've been thinking alot, lately, how I'm so glad that I'm married. The whole uncertainty of dating and getting your hopes up just to be let down really stinks. I had my share of it... and sometimes I think back and say to myself "I was so silly and naive." But I know at the time it was all so real and painful- I guess it was fun, too- but mostly painful. Even now as a married woman, I still come to the conclusion that single boys are dumb. I don't know any eligible men that are worth introducing to any one of my precious friends- zilch, zero, notta. They are all spineless, wishy-washy, and looking for a supermodel-type girl. Either that, or they think their god's gift to women, cocky, and looking for a supermodel-type girl. I apologize if I'm offending anyone, but I'm really open to being proved wrong. It is only through divine intervention or careful training by sisters and girlfriends that single men begin to see what's good for them. Yes, I'm being harsh. Leave me alone- I'm pregnant."

Cabin-Fever

Let's chalk up this past Saturdy's depress-mode to a combination of cabin-fever, hormones and being sick.

There I go again... jumping to conclusions! ;p

Invisible

Not one person (save for my mom) remembered my birthday - not my friends, family, NO ONE!!!

I feel invisible; insignificant; unimportant .

With all the snow outside, I can't even go to the market to by myself a birthday cake...

This year is starting out on a REAL sour note... Let's hope it gets better...

~ a

happy birthday to me...

I'm am officially 26 today.... yay. :(

Official "Happy Birthday!"s: 1 (from mom who is in Korea right now)

Birthday "presents":
* the cold (or maybe strept throat)... my throat kills! :(
* Audrey Hepburn Boxed DVD set from my bro :)
* SNOW... and lots of it
* my grandfather's wake/funeral was today :(

This day isn't starting out so greatt, is it?...

~ a

[Edit: If your joy is truly mine... give me the eyes to see it, Lord, and the heart to embrace and rejoice in it... especially today.]

Reflecting on Passion05

Just got back from Passion05 (in Nashville) late last night. Must say that it was a really refreshing time for me (albeit stressful as MK and I were busy schlepping 29 people back and forth from the hotel to the conference center in two mini-vans no less!)

Hate to admit it, but it's been A WHILE since I've really been able to feel anything during praise. Matt Redman once wrote that sometimes God will take you through the desert (e.g. Moses) so that we can find Him. Well, these last couple years have found me in the desert - parched, cold, lost and alone. But thanks be to God for His EVER-faithfulness and NEARNESS (even when I wander so far).

It's kind of funny when i look back at the last few days. There I was in Nashville worshiping with over 14,000 screaming and dancing Christians, led to worship with the most talented and well-known worship leaders of our time and I could have cared less. No, it's not what you may think because it was the first time in a LONG time that I was able to truly say that it was just me and God. With tears rolling down my face, I sang my heart out - taking in every word and emotion.

I doubt anyone will be reading this (as I haven't told anyone about this blog thing I've made), but, if you're reading this, I just want to leave you with the words to one of the songs that really convicted and humbled me:

yearn
by shane barnard


holy design
this place in time
that i might seek and find my God
my God

Lord i want to yearn for You
i want to burn with passion
over You and only You
Lord i want to yearn

Your joy is mine
yet why am i fine
with all my singing and bringing grain
in light of Him

oh You give life and breath
through Him You give all things
in Him we live and move
that's why i sing

acts 17:25-28, hebrews 12:28-29