Today, Today.

I am officially a member of liberti. Congratulate me.

Our pastor called all the new people "coming into covenant" to stand in front of the congregation. [Awkward] He then proceeded to introduce each of us, sharing from the questionnaire he'd sent us during the week.

He began with the first person. Told of which area of Philadelphia he was from, which Home Group he belonged to, an interesting tidbit and... his testimony.

I started to freak out, but tried my best not to show it.

I was told we'd probably not have to share our testimonies! What is this? I'm not ready!!! Please give an abridged version of my story and skip all the really personal stuff. Pleeeeaaaase!

I eyed the pile, knowing that my sheet was somewhere at the bottom. Kept reminding myself to breathe. Freaked out. Breathed. Fidgeted a lot. Tried my best to hide in the crowd of people standing before a crowd of people. Listened. Freaked out. Breathed. Fidgeted... a lot.

Soon it was my turn. He read from my page. I was self-conscious. The majority of the new members had given very brief, annotated versions of their story (as asked). But mine, mine was one of the longer ones.

I wasn't prepared to be this vulnerable yet... Not in front of a crowd of people I'd yet to be introduced to (or whose names I could remember for that matter!). But there it was. I was naked. Exposed. Wanting to hide and chasing back tears.

Afterwards, we were formally welcomed into the body. We stood in our receiving line. I felt like a bride greeting the countless guests her parents had invited to the wedding. And, I stood there, smiling, breathing heavily and chasing back tears. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to be there and happy to come into the fold, but, for an introvert like me, this was a nightmare!

I found some comfort oddly enough in these almost unbearable few minutes. There were hugs and handshakes, people thanking me for sharing and telling me they were inspired or could relate. Each smile and greeting was sincere... and God was slowly reminding me that this is the body - people who are vulnerable to one another and who welcome each other in love and acceptance. My heart was stilled when my pastor came and hugged me, whispering in my ear "I'm so glad God brought you to liberti." His wife shared the same sentiment later on and, fighting back tears, told me how she could totally relate to what I'd gone through. We both laughed and tried to stop the other from crying, failed and hugged each other in support. It was a sincere moment, two sisters standing around talking after service. It was real and very needed for the both of us.

Once Upon a Time...

Per the request of Yellowinter, here is my abridged testimony:

I grew up in what I thought was a typical Korean-American, Christian home. My dad was an elder at our church, my mom a member of the choir. Although we went to church every Sunday, God and Jesus were rarely mentioned in our home.

I first came to Christ when I was about 7 yrs old while attending a VBS at a friend's church. The speaker asked us to raise our hands if we wanted Jesus to be our friend, so I did, and was led through the "Sinner's Prayer". Since salvation and the work of the Cross were rarely taught at home or church, my knowledge of the person of God was limited to Old Testament stories of a wrathful God who punished those who were bad. I feared God as the great
Discipliner and Punisher, but was ignorant of God the loving Father.

It wasn't until a fateful night at an overnight camp that I finally learned of the loving, patient, forgiving and sacrificial love of God. It was then that I was taught about God's unconditional love for me; that though I wronged Him in so many ways and was so undeserving, He sent His one and only Son to rescue me, to restore my relationship with Him. Like the beaten man on the road to Jericho, I was dying in my sin until Christ came and healed me, washing me clean of my sins. Even more astonishing to me was that He came and took my place on that road, taking my beating and my shame, allowing His clean robes to be bloodied and stained for me.

My faith was shaken, however, when my parents suddenly divorced during the summer leading into my freshman year of college. Secrets of my dad's repeated infidelities and lies surfaced and rocked my trust in him and in my heavenly Father. I was angry, bitter and confused. I couldn't understand God's reasoning or plan for all the pain He'd allowed to come to my mom, brother and myself. I couldn't let go of the dad I knew and was unable to accept this stranger who resembled my father, but who didn't seem to have any interest in remaining in the lives of his children. His infrequent visits became more and more sparse. Many nights were spent in angry, hot tears as I, in my furious and helpless state, challenged God to bring about good through all the chaos we [my family] had now found ourselves in.

Slowly, God has been revealing His father's heart for me. He's showed unending patience and compassion while I struggled to walk again. His promise to be a "father to the fatherless" has brought a silent and still comfort that have brought me thus far. He's remained faithful to His
promises and has honored the prayers whispered in desperation. He has taught me about the meaning of restoration, and has opened His heart He calls me His beloved, His daughter and His precious child. And I am so thankful because, honestly, I have no idea how or why He could sometimes.