Ramblings...

Work sucks, but life is good... most of the time.

That's been my sentiment for the last few months. It's sad, I know. But c'est la vivre, I guess.

Pessimism aside, I am so thankful for my home group. This random hodgepodge of of people who never cease to amaze me in their pure acceptance for each other and their hunger to learn deeper the heart of God. There are no scholars or profound speakers, but we dialogue, we study the word and ask questions of it and each other. No one presumes to know the "correct" answer. No one pretends to be perfect.

Sometimes I wish I'd have met these people sooner, and wonder at God's planning; wonder if I threw a wrench in His plans with my stubbornness and fear of change and kick myself in the butt for fighting God for as long as I did, even when I knew He wanted something different for me.

Sadly, our co-leaders are leaving soon. They're heading back to Nashville and starting a new chapter and vision for/in their lives. They've no idea if it's completely the "right" thing to do, but they trust in God's wisdom and His sovereign hand at work even in this blind leap of faith they take.

It's strange how I found myself here amongst this group and in this church. But, however long it took, I'm glad and thankful for the wisdom and sovereignty of my Father.

[Annie smiley]

Today, Today.

I am officially a member of liberti. Congratulate me.

Our pastor called all the new people "coming into covenant" to stand in front of the congregation. [Awkward] He then proceeded to introduce each of us, sharing from the questionnaire he'd sent us during the week.

He began with the first person. Told of which area of Philadelphia he was from, which Home Group he belonged to, an interesting tidbit and... his testimony.

I started to freak out, but tried my best not to show it.

I was told we'd probably not have to share our testimonies! What is this? I'm not ready!!! Please give an abridged version of my story and skip all the really personal stuff. Pleeeeaaaase!

I eyed the pile, knowing that my sheet was somewhere at the bottom. Kept reminding myself to breathe. Freaked out. Breathed. Fidgeted a lot. Tried my best to hide in the crowd of people standing before a crowd of people. Listened. Freaked out. Breathed. Fidgeted... a lot.

Soon it was my turn. He read from my page. I was self-conscious. The majority of the new members had given very brief, annotated versions of their story (as asked). But mine, mine was one of the longer ones.

I wasn't prepared to be this vulnerable yet... Not in front of a crowd of people I'd yet to be introduced to (or whose names I could remember for that matter!). But there it was. I was naked. Exposed. Wanting to hide and chasing back tears.

Afterwards, we were formally welcomed into the body. We stood in our receiving line. I felt like a bride greeting the countless guests her parents had invited to the wedding. And, I stood there, smiling, breathing heavily and chasing back tears. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to be there and happy to come into the fold, but, for an introvert like me, this was a nightmare!

I found some comfort oddly enough in these almost unbearable few minutes. There were hugs and handshakes, people thanking me for sharing and telling me they were inspired or could relate. Each smile and greeting was sincere... and God was slowly reminding me that this is the body - people who are vulnerable to one another and who welcome each other in love and acceptance. My heart was stilled when my pastor came and hugged me, whispering in my ear "I'm so glad God brought you to liberti." His wife shared the same sentiment later on and, fighting back tears, told me how she could totally relate to what I'd gone through. We both laughed and tried to stop the other from crying, failed and hugged each other in support. It was a sincere moment, two sisters standing around talking after service. It was real and very needed for the both of us.