So, tonight was awkward. No one said more than 4 words to me all night. Now, I'm not whining about not being the center of attention. It's just nice to feel like I exist and matter. That I'm more than just "that girl", "Martha Stewart". the cook or the maid.
I wish I wasn't SO sensitive. I wish it didn't bother me when others went on with their lives without me. But I can't help it. I was made this way. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I value the people in my life (though it may seem that others may not share my views at times). I NEED to share my thoughts and heart with another. I need to have opportunities to vocalize, to open up. I need to share a laugh and time with others.
Call me needy. Call me insecure. Call me crazy or weak or whatever you like.
Lord, I wish that you were enough for me. That I could count you as my closest, most intimate friend. But it's hard when my heart feels so distant, so broken.
I know that I'm to cast everything aside for you. To have none before you. But, I need the hand of a friend/brother/sister to help me along.
My world has become so small and cold lately. Lord, would you show your face to me once again? Would you allow this weak soul to feel the warmth of your presence? Would you bring fountains of life to this barren, desolate heart of mine.
I'm desperate for You...
