One Year Ago...

Yesterday marked the 1-year anniversary of the day Katrina, in all her fury, leveled New Orleans. It's hard to believe an entire year has passed...

And, regretfully, I have forgotten. The faces, crying out in their desperation, have faded -
receding into the fog of memories past. And I continued in my happy existence while brothers and sisters struggle (to this very day) to look for answers and the help/support to start anew...

I forget how lucky and privelaged I am... I can be such an ingrate.

Below are the words to a song by Mat Kearney called "All I Need." He wrote it for his friends who lost everything (including the church they were to be married in) due to Katrina.

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All I Need by Mat Kearney

Here it comes it’s all blowing in tonight
I woke up this morning to a blood red sky
They’re burning on the bridge turning off the lights
We’re on the run I can see it in your eyes
If nothing is safe then I don’t understand
You call me your boy but I’m trying to be the man
One more day and it’s all slipping with the sand
You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand
The back of my hand
Guess we both know we’re in over our heads
We got nowhere to go and no home that’s left
The water is rising on a river turning red
It all might be ok or we might be dead
If everything we’ve got is slipping away
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day
I’m holding on to you, holding onto me
Maybe it’s all gone black but you’re all I see
You’re all I see
The walls are shaking, I hear them sound the alarm
Glass is breaking so don’t let go of my arm
Grab your bags and a picture of where we met
All that we’ll leave behind and all that’s left
If everything we’ve got is blowing away
We’ve got a rock and a rock till our dying day
I’m holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it’s all we got but it’s all I need
You’re all I need
And if all we’ve got is what no one can break
I know I love you
If that’s all we can take
The tears are coming down
They’re mixing with the rain
I know I love you, if that’s all we can take
A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground
We’re eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down
The TV’s playing it all out of town
We’re grabbing at the fray for something that won’t drown

Joshua Radin and Anna Nalick @ The Chameleon

Below are a few pics from the show I went to on Saturday. 'Twas a lonely ride up to "Downtown" Lancaster. (Who knew Amish Country had a downtown?!?! News to me!) I didn't use my flash, so the pics might be a bit out of focus. Tried my best to keep as still as I could (even propping my camera atop my water bottle!). Here are some of the resulting images for your viewing pleasure...

I LOVE this first pic! If you don't mind me tooting my own horn: Kudos to AC for taking an artsy pic with her tiny point-and-shooter!

I love ths one, too! It looks like a still from a music video.

The Heart of a Child

Last night, we had a revival of sorts at our church to celebrate the end of our 40-days of prayer (of which I think I only made about half).

It's funny, the guest speaker (who I liken to a fobby Korean Randy Jackson) reflected on the passage of the woman and the alabaster jar (Mark 14:1-11). It's one of my favorites, as I find it to be one of the most challenging passages. And to which I can only - in my meager faith - aspire to one day.

He challenged us to be reckless in our devotion/love for God - to strive to come to a point where the world calls us foolish and wasteful (like the Pharisees did of the woman when she broke her jar of perfume and poured it over Jesus' head). Our faith must be alive within us; breathing and growing. It must not be calculated or premeditated, but a free and "irreversible" response from our hearts. It must be like that of a child - simple and of the moment so to speak.

Below is an exerpt from the blog of a British author I've been meaning to check out. It gives us a peak into the mind and faith of a child. [For the full entry, click here.]

A couple of days ago, at Soul Survivor, I was watching my four-year-old daughter dance. There she was, giving it some kind of epileptic salsa blended with martial arts, loving it.

“Why are you dancing, Evie?” I asked.

“God likes it,” she said.

It's my hope that I might have this kind of faith. So when the world questions why I live my life in abandon for my Savior, I can simple reply:

Because God likes it.

Attack of the 40-Year-Old Virgin - Part II (Well, OK... he might not have been a virgin...)

[CAUTION: It's another long one... but I know you'll find it really amusing!]

Sorry, I'm not really looking to date right now...

That was my response to a guy I spent an awkward 3 hours sitting next to at a cafe I went to last night to catch their weekly open mic night.

The night started off pretty normal, I guess. The cafe was full of hopefuls, waiting for their big break into the music world. Guitars and Saxes were being tuned. And I was hunting for a seat, so I could have my dinner and comfortably catch the show...

A kind man offered a spare seat next to him conveniently by a small table. I humbly thanked him. ... ... And then the night of awkwardness began.

He asked if I was going to sing that night. "Oh gosh, no... I just like to listen to live music, but maybe... someday," I joked. He told me he was performing that night and that it was his first there. I wished him luck and continued with my meal.

He continued to pester me every 5 minutes asking the typical small talk stuff:
So, what do you do?
Where are you from?
Who are you listening to?

I tried my best to be friendly and more outgoing (as I have been told I can appear - in my shyness - to be stand-offish, rude, or snobby) - answering with a smile and a joke here and there.

A school teacher and his son came up to do their song, but not before leading the audience in a trivia contest. It was cute. He had prizes. Though I was a bit scared as he was hurling the prizes at those who'd answered correctly. Awkward Man (whom I will refer to as AM from this point on) answered 2 questions and "won" a CD folio and a pencil case. He handed them to me joking that he wouldn't be needing them.

I looked at my phone... 8:30p

After 4 or 5 more performances, it was time for AM to do his song. He said he was nervous. Again, I wished him luck all the while worrying what I would say to him if he sucked and I had to give him my review of his performance.

He performed. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't my cup of tea. I gave him as honest a feedback as I could. It was hard to hear you at first... the mic wasn't positioned properly. He thanked me.

I looked at my phone... 8:50p... about an hour to go.

At around 9;20 or so, the crowd slowly started to dwindle. Empty seats were popping up everywhere. I wanted to move, but I didn't want to seem rude. So, I sat in awkwardness as AM told me about his dog that had passed 2 yrs ago; his sister who was marrying a Chinese guy; how he has ADHD; etc.

I looked at my phone... 9:35p

The evening rapped up around 10:15 with the house band playing out the night. As I was getting ready to leave, AM mumbles something along the lines of:

Are you hanging out with anyone?

Confused I looked at him and asked him to repeat himself. He gathered his thoughts and said, "Is there someone in your life?"

[OOOOHHHHH!!! Hmmm... .... How do I approach this? This has NEVER happened to me before... Hmm]

I searched my brain for the gentlest way to let him down...

Sorry, I'm not really looking to date right now was the only thing that would come to my lips. He tunred and walked out the door.

I waited about 5 minutes until I was positive I would not see him out on the street again. Grabbed my phone to call and rant to the friend who said she'd try to come out, but alas, LOW BATTERY. So, I got in my car, the events of the last few hours racing through my head.

I think I laughed all the way home.

Haha HA, Lord... you are the FUNNY man aren't you!!! Betcha got a kick out of that one, didn't you? Hahaha... Oh Lordie... You are one funny dude, God!

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I seem to attract the wrong guys... They're all either ghetto-fab fellas who refer to you as "Mama" or "Boo" OR they're old enough to be your dad (refer back to my Boston trip a few blogs down for clarification). It's probably the reason I have yet to date... (and if this trend continues, I'm afraid I never will!)

But really... What in the world is going on here? I mean, ...COME ON!!!

But then I got to thinking...

Do I deserve to be this picky?
I am NO trophy by far -
WAY too many faults and scars to fit that mold
But, I refuse to believe I'm some consolation prize -
destined to go to the guy who waited too long or could never relate to the opposite sex.

Was it wrong of me to be so candid?
If you ask me a question, I will try to answer as honestly as I can... but
Is it so wrong of me to want to be as candid as I can be... no lies or shadiness about me
Should I be like all those stereotypical girls who blatantly flirt and manipulate men and circumstances (I've known a few)
Is it wrong to want (from myself and others) some level of genuineness?

Should I be more stand-offish?
But what kind of testimony is that to leave?
Should I guard my words?
But then, knowing me and my mind... I would NEVER talk!

Should I walk around town dressed as Frumpy Dumpy
Throwing caution to the wind with tangled, oily tresses and mismatched clothes?
Should I wear a sign about my neck that says "KEEP AWAY" or "NOT INTERESTED" ?
Should I don a permanent scowl on my face
to deter Mr. Wrong?

But, how then would I ever meet Mr. Right (if such a man exists)?
Hopefully, he's out there... SOMEWHERE
And he'll be able to see past all my imperfections
I should warn him... he'll have to dig a REALLY long time
If he's ever going to find the treasure, the art in me

But until then...
What you see is what you get... and hopefully, that's enough... RIGHT?

Because...

I know I'm not the prettiest girl
No supermodel at all
I'm not the smartest or wittiest person I know
I lack eloquence and at times tact

And I'm not the nicest or the kindest of people
(in fact I can be quite awkward to be around)
I hold grudges for far longer than I ought
And can be quick to say/think a hurtful word

I am lazy and indecisive
Anal to the core
I'm selfish and self-centered
And can be needy at times

I am proud when I ought not
And hold stubbornly to my opinions
I think I'm right... A LOT
I'm an idealist
and a pessimist at times

I am prone to jealousy
And can be competitive, too
I can be irrational at times
And a little too rational at others (Debbie Downer should be my nickname)

But...
What you see is what you get...
and hopefully, that's enough...

RIGHT?

A Thought...

[Sorry. This entry was hard to put into words let alone into any semblance of grammatical order. It's sort of a hodgepodge of free-flowing thoughts... Hope you can all follow along.]

The past few days I've been thinking about the word mourning... and what it means to mourn. There is such negativity attached to the word. I wondered how joy could be found in the midst of grief and a play on words began...

Mourning.
It's homophonic partner morning means the early parts of the day.
The former of the 2 is defined as going through a period of grief.
Isn't it odd how 2 words that sound so alike could have such opposing meanings?

[Mourning... MORning... dwell on those words for a moment.]

For the Christian the 2 words go hand in hand, however.
Though we grieve the physical loss of a loved one who has passed, we can be joyful in knowing that she is in heaven with our Lord and completely happy.
To those who believe - in mourning we find a new morning of sorts.
What do I mean by this? you ask.
What am I trying to convey here in this jumble of thoughts without order or reason?
Simply this: Yes, death inevitably will produce a time of mourning, but for only a moment. Because in Christ we know and hold fast to the truth that as we die - whether to our sin or to our bodies - our death produces in us new life, a fresh start, a new morning, .

Home

An awkward silence fills the room
A fog surrounds
Tears of sorrow and joy collide
In mourning theirs is peace
She is home now
Truly home
She has come to the end of her road here
The end of this road
And she has found herself at last
There in the place where she belongs
She is home.
I know she is happy
He came to set her free
He touched her
Released her from her pain
Took her hand and led her out of the darkness
Into His marvelous light
I know all of heaven rejoiced
As this angel on earth
This quiet devoted spirit
Stepped through the gates of splendor
Took in her first breaths of freedom
Vision becoming clearer
She sees she is where she was always meant to be
He turns to welcome her
She bows heart and head to the ground
He lifts her head
Embraces her
Lifts her high in His arms
For all of heaven to see
And yells in utter abandon
"My daughter is finally home
She is finally here with me"
"I've waited so long," He confesses
Speechless she begins to tear
Could God Himself have desired me this much?
"Yes, of course I have and do still," He whispers
So no one else can hear
She knows now the meaning of it all
All the pain and sorrow
Have prepared her for this moment
When completely she realizes
At last, I am truly home.

The Problem With Pain

A dear friend of mine has lost her mother. After months of suffering through pain as she battled cancer, the Lord called her home this past Wednesday. I'm at a loss of words.

What do you say to someone who has just lost a loved one -- to one who has lost her mother?
What words could possibly be spoken into hearts that are broken in mourning?
Are there any words?
Is just being there for her enough?

Savior, be enough for her...

Speak into this grief,
Into this broken void:
"Peace I leave with you;
my peace I give you."
You do not give as the world gives.
Thankfully, no.
You give love
and hope
and peace
and joy to the fullest.
So, may our hearts not be troubled
May we not fear the touch of Death
For it is through his touch that we will be
HOME again
and
Fully, who we were meant to be
We will FINALLY be home.

Freedom Trailin'

So, I'm back from Boston. Well, I've been home now for 3 days. Boston was fun... STIFLINGLY hot and humid, but fun nonetheless.

Here's a recap of the week. (You may all thank AM for her gracious DEMANDS that I "POST PICTURES!" j/k Haha...)

[WARNING: This is a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG entry. Proceed at your own discretion]


SUNDAY - Major fiasco while trying to pack for the trip. Was trying to do some last minute laundry. Didn't realize that I had left an ink pen in one of my pockets. Yup! You guessed it... BLUE INK all over my clothes!!! Made a quick dash to Pathmark (at 11:30pm!) to get some Shout and OxyClean. Spent about 2 hours trying to scrub out stains all the while trying to hold back tears. Finally fell asleep around 4am.

MONDAY - Left Philly at 11am and arrived in Providence at a little past 12pm. Shortest flight EVER!!! Couldn't even finish the Sodoku puzzle I had started halfway into the flight.

Got to RBK&KCK's house around 1:30pm had lunch, played with GMK (who has VERY good hand-eye coordination for a baby!) and then took a nap. Yes, very productive I know... I promise it gets better! Keep reading...

TUESDAY - Went with RBK and GMK to Sprouts, a baby playtime/singalong program. SO funny! All the parents and the teacher (who looked a lot like the host of "The BIG Comfy Couch") were singing random songs while the babes ran amuck in the colorfully padded room. Was fed Goldfish crackers by one of the babies (I don't think her parents were too pleased) and had to contain myself as this trucker of a baby named Eric proceeded to bulldoze his way through the crowd of tykes as he chased after bubbles at the end of class.

Future NFL Lineman, Eric "The Bulldozer," playing with Mikaela (whom he would later knock down numerous times during "Bubble Time"

GMK's classmate, Joshua(?) during playtime

GMK, wondering what that black thing is that Auntie Annie is pointing at her
(Answer: my camera)

Later on in the evening, helped take care of GMK while mommy and daddy prepared dinner for their guests, Pastor Paul, his wife and baby. The guests arrived at around 6pm and, as they walked through the door, to my surprise, I realized it was MY Pastor Paul - my old JDSN from Yuong Sang!!! We both looked at each other and said, "Hey! I know you!" Too funny. It's a small, small world...

WEDNESDAY - Dragged RBK, GMK and KRL to the "Pru" to catch Mat Kearney perform in the South Garden.

The sun was strong, the heat was on, and my man was playing his songs (what?... I dunno).

He's been touring a lot lately (been in a different city every day), so he was understandably a bit disoriented. Forgot where he was, what day it was and missed a few chords (although I think I was the only one to notice).

Met up with him again during the "meet and greet." AGAIN he remembered me, asked for my name again and told me that he'd written a song called "Annie." [I think you have to if you're a musician. It's some sort of right of passage. (e.g. "Annie's Song" by John Denver; "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson ("Annie are you OK, are you OK, are you OK?)] I joked that he'd have to sing the song for me sometime, but I don't think I made any sense. Oh, how I wish I was more extroverted and eloquent in words. All I can seem to do is smile, nod, and mumble inaudible nonsense around him and those I meet for the first time. (Go ahead... LAUGH at my expense! I would!)

Mat & I outside of the Prudential "in a really nice park on a ... what day is it?
... Wednesday afternoon..." as he put it
(Hmm... my neck must have been REALLY shy...
it seems to have gone into hiding. Quite peculiar...)

In the evening went to the gym with RBK. Felt good to go since I hadn't for about 4 days. (Haha... It's been about 5 days since I've gone since... (Note to self: go tonight!!!))


THURSDAY - RBK dropped me off at the MFA so I could catch the "Americans in Paris" exhibit. It was interesting. Saw about 4 Whistlers (I had NO idea that "Portrait of My Mother" was as large as it is!). Was formally introduced to Curran whose use of color contrast and composition was really interesting. After walking through the exhibit, I had to make a tough decision: whether to go through the rest of the museum OR head out for lunch. Yeah... um... my stomach won and so I headed out of the museum and decided to walk down Huntington until something caught my eye. Ended up on NorthEastern's campus where I stopped for lunch in "Temptation Cafe", a local college hangout I assume since it was run by a couple of Frat boys.

KRL picked me up from there and then took me across the Charles into Cambridge where we walked Harvard's campus. Later that evening, she took me to Tapeo, a local Tapas Bar on Newbury. I LOVE Newbury!!!

The Dome inside the MFA

Some building on Harvard's campus. Looks like a church, no?


Above: "The Harry Potter Cafeteria" as KRL refers to it
Below: The exterior of said building
Double-fisting @ LA Burdick's Chocolatiers Mmmm...

FRIDAY - Met up with my dear friend Esther in Cambridge (we just realized that we've known each other for HALF of our lives!!! Craziness...). She took me to this hole-in-the-wall cafe called the Soundwave (or something to that effect) where we had brunch. It was yummers! My time there was made awkwardly memorable by multiple trips to the loo (where you need to actually walk THROUGH the kitchen) where I was accosted by a 40+ year-old cook from Spain who (I think) was trying to flirt with me [insert gagging noise]... en espanol!!!

After brunch visited EC's church where she is also working as an admin assistant. Met her coworkers who coaxed me into playing "Speed Scrabble" for an hour. Toured the church's campus, met some more coworkers and sat in on their monthly "Thursday/Friday BBQ".

Afterwards, we headed back into town where we spent a few hours walking parts of the Freedom Trail. Visited Park Street Church, one of the oldest and still active churches in the Boston area. Also walked through King's Church(?) and saw the booth where George Washington and his family sat for Sunday service.

Found our way to Fenueil Hall/Quincy Market where we shopped for panties for me b/c I forgot to bring an extra pair to KRL's house. You know... normal touristy stuff. (TMI you say? Muahaha)

Ended the day back in Copley, where we parted ways (she had dinner with friends later that evening). We were going to get together again on Newbury for drinks after her dinner, but she was pooped from the day... and it rained. So, KRL&CL took me to Shabu House in Brookline, where I had my first experience with "swish, swish" cuisine. It was interesting, although I had no idea what I was doing. Later on - after cancelling plans with EC - KRL and I watched "In Her Shoes" (haha... pretty much like any other Friday night of my life. I NEED a life! Someone please hang out with me?!?!?! )

Interior of King's Church(?) or was it Park Street?

Outside the King's Church /Cemetary

Somewhere in Copley

Street performers outside of Feneuil Hall/Quincy Market

Gives new meaning to the phrase "Hi Ho Silver", no?
(No, your eyes aren't fooling you. That is a LIVING human being
swathed in silver paint "performing" as a living statue)
Kept wanting to hoist his belt up... it looked like it was sliding off and he knew it


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Yeah, so that was my trip. Great fun and sunburning was had. I'm hoping to go up again (this time in the cooler months!).

Although I really didn't see much, I was glad to spend time with dear friends, just chatting and wasting the day... The best memories of all!