Attack of the 40-Year-Old Virgin - Part II (Well, OK... he might not have been a virgin...)

[CAUTION: It's another long one... but I know you'll find it really amusing!]

Sorry, I'm not really looking to date right now...

That was my response to a guy I spent an awkward 3 hours sitting next to at a cafe I went to last night to catch their weekly open mic night.

The night started off pretty normal, I guess. The cafe was full of hopefuls, waiting for their big break into the music world. Guitars and Saxes were being tuned. And I was hunting for a seat, so I could have my dinner and comfortably catch the show...

A kind man offered a spare seat next to him conveniently by a small table. I humbly thanked him. ... ... And then the night of awkwardness began.

He asked if I was going to sing that night. "Oh gosh, no... I just like to listen to live music, but maybe... someday," I joked. He told me he was performing that night and that it was his first there. I wished him luck and continued with my meal.

He continued to pester me every 5 minutes asking the typical small talk stuff:
So, what do you do?
Where are you from?
Who are you listening to?

I tried my best to be friendly and more outgoing (as I have been told I can appear - in my shyness - to be stand-offish, rude, or snobby) - answering with a smile and a joke here and there.

A school teacher and his son came up to do their song, but not before leading the audience in a trivia contest. It was cute. He had prizes. Though I was a bit scared as he was hurling the prizes at those who'd answered correctly. Awkward Man (whom I will refer to as AM from this point on) answered 2 questions and "won" a CD folio and a pencil case. He handed them to me joking that he wouldn't be needing them.

I looked at my phone... 8:30p

After 4 or 5 more performances, it was time for AM to do his song. He said he was nervous. Again, I wished him luck all the while worrying what I would say to him if he sucked and I had to give him my review of his performance.

He performed. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't my cup of tea. I gave him as honest a feedback as I could. It was hard to hear you at first... the mic wasn't positioned properly. He thanked me.

I looked at my phone... 8:50p... about an hour to go.

At around 9;20 or so, the crowd slowly started to dwindle. Empty seats were popping up everywhere. I wanted to move, but I didn't want to seem rude. So, I sat in awkwardness as AM told me about his dog that had passed 2 yrs ago; his sister who was marrying a Chinese guy; how he has ADHD; etc.

I looked at my phone... 9:35p

The evening rapped up around 10:15 with the house band playing out the night. As I was getting ready to leave, AM mumbles something along the lines of:

Are you hanging out with anyone?

Confused I looked at him and asked him to repeat himself. He gathered his thoughts and said, "Is there someone in your life?"

[OOOOHHHHH!!! Hmmm... .... How do I approach this? This has NEVER happened to me before... Hmm]

I searched my brain for the gentlest way to let him down...

Sorry, I'm not really looking to date right now was the only thing that would come to my lips. He tunred and walked out the door.

I waited about 5 minutes until I was positive I would not see him out on the street again. Grabbed my phone to call and rant to the friend who said she'd try to come out, but alas, LOW BATTERY. So, I got in my car, the events of the last few hours racing through my head.

I think I laughed all the way home.

Haha HA, Lord... you are the FUNNY man aren't you!!! Betcha got a kick out of that one, didn't you? Hahaha... Oh Lordie... You are one funny dude, God!

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I seem to attract the wrong guys... They're all either ghetto-fab fellas who refer to you as "Mama" or "Boo" OR they're old enough to be your dad (refer back to my Boston trip a few blogs down for clarification). It's probably the reason I have yet to date... (and if this trend continues, I'm afraid I never will!)

But really... What in the world is going on here? I mean, ...COME ON!!!

But then I got to thinking...

Do I deserve to be this picky?
I am NO trophy by far -
WAY too many faults and scars to fit that mold
But, I refuse to believe I'm some consolation prize -
destined to go to the guy who waited too long or could never relate to the opposite sex.

Was it wrong of me to be so candid?
If you ask me a question, I will try to answer as honestly as I can... but
Is it so wrong of me to want to be as candid as I can be... no lies or shadiness about me
Should I be like all those stereotypical girls who blatantly flirt and manipulate men and circumstances (I've known a few)
Is it wrong to want (from myself and others) some level of genuineness?

Should I be more stand-offish?
But what kind of testimony is that to leave?
Should I guard my words?
But then, knowing me and my mind... I would NEVER talk!

Should I walk around town dressed as Frumpy Dumpy
Throwing caution to the wind with tangled, oily tresses and mismatched clothes?
Should I wear a sign about my neck that says "KEEP AWAY" or "NOT INTERESTED" ?
Should I don a permanent scowl on my face
to deter Mr. Wrong?

But, how then would I ever meet Mr. Right (if such a man exists)?
Hopefully, he's out there... SOMEWHERE
And he'll be able to see past all my imperfections
I should warn him... he'll have to dig a REALLY long time
If he's ever going to find the treasure, the art in me

But until then...
What you see is what you get... and hopefully, that's enough... RIGHT?

Because...

I know I'm not the prettiest girl
No supermodel at all
I'm not the smartest or wittiest person I know
I lack eloquence and at times tact

And I'm not the nicest or the kindest of people
(in fact I can be quite awkward to be around)
I hold grudges for far longer than I ought
And can be quick to say/think a hurtful word

I am lazy and indecisive
Anal to the core
I'm selfish and self-centered
And can be needy at times

I am proud when I ought not
And hold stubbornly to my opinions
I think I'm right... A LOT
I'm an idealist
and a pessimist at times

I am prone to jealousy
And can be competitive, too
I can be irrational at times
And a little too rational at others (Debbie Downer should be my nickname)

But...
What you see is what you get...
and hopefully, that's enough...

RIGHT?