The Fear You'll Leave

I had a dream the other day.

Yes, I realize this is no monumental feat since we all dream, but you must understand this: I rarely remember my dreams. They're too clouded by shear exhaustion, victims to a brain and memory that go on strike each night. The ones I do remember, however, haunt me. They linger and stake their claim to my days. Like a gnat searching for warmth, they stay close and pester me.


I dreamt I was married. Living a quiet life with my husband out in the old prairies. Making a home of our modest abode.

My Mr. was kind and handsome, tall and fit. He had a warm demeanor and there was a gentleness in his eyes. When he held me, the world melted away. I felt secure. Safe. Confident.

But it was when I wasn't in his arms, that my insecurities raised their hell.

I worried if he loved me. I was scared that he didn't care or find me desirable anymore.

I could see my anxiety wear away at his patience and yet I couldn't shake this plague of thoughts. It came to a point where he would hold me once again, wipe the tears and kiss my forehead, and yet, my doubt wouldn't subside.

I woke up at this point and that feeling of inadeqacy and self-doubt lingered. I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders once again as my heart did it's bidding.

I'm afraid that this week my heart is up to no good...