Stuck in a Moment...

... and I can't get out of it.

I'm realizing more and more these days that I am a limited being. In every sense of the word:

Physically
I hobble to and fro on a knee that's still trying to figure out if it wants to cooperate with the rest of my body and allow me the chance to be fully mobile once more. I want to run and swim and walk without wincing when you buckle, damn you!


Mentally
There are days I'm almost positive I'm showing signs of early dementia. Have to be... What other excuse could there be for constantly losing the remote? Or my train of thought for that matter?


Relationally
Perhaps the area of greatest deficiency. In looking at my heart the past few days/weeks, I realize more and more that I'm not as nice as you all think I am. It scares me to think that I may possibly be incapable of love. Real love. The kind that gives without expecting. That is unconditional. Without limits. That forgives and is understanding. That kind of love. And sadly, I feel undeserving of it a lot lately.

I know this particular deficiency (my limited, stunted ability to love others) is due in large part to my lackluster pursuit of Christ these days. I don't know what's going on within me or what these invisible, seemingly impenitrable barriers before me are, but... I want -- nay, need -- to break out.

I want to love selflessly and unconditionally as You do, Lord... I just don't know how.