Just got back about an hour ago from a solo night at the movies, catching
The Last Kiss. [Really girls, no need to feel sorry for me. I'm learning to enjoy these times to myself that I so dreaded only a year (er... more like a few months) ago...]
I won't spoil the movie for you, but will comment on some of the overriding themes:
The movie dealt with the choices we all have - to be thankful for what we have or to give into the fleeting temptations that pop up in unexpected places. It's a tell-tale truth in our lives, but, oh, does it ever speak volumes when we consider our walks/relationships with the Father!
He gives us everything we could want or need: all our dreams and happiness. But we get bored. We feel antsy. Fear that we might be missing out on something springs from deep within our hearts. And as these feelings come to surface in our lives, our eyes (and hearts) start to wander.
Like Eve, we find ourselves mesmerized by sin's temptations.
It looks so tempting. So easy. So seemingly satisfying we say to ourselves. We take a bite and the reality of what we've just done comes flooding to our senses. We cry out in anguish and despair, flogging ourselves with our guilt. We wonder at how we could have ever thought that
that would be worth giving up real pleasure and satisfaction. And we wallow in our guilt. Donning dirty rags of shame we forget to see the beautiful robes of majesty that Christ Himself has bleached white with the pouring forth of His holy blood.
But, thankfully, grace - that mysterious, unfathomable gift of divine origins - prevails! It looks upon us so lovingly and encourages us to take off these rags of shame. It destroys them, once and for all. And He clothes us with Himself, layering His grace until it is thick about us.
Makes you thankful and frees you, no?
***********************
On a darker note (haha... first time anyone's used that phrase I bet!)...
The movie got me thinking about the future, specifically my future spouse.
They say that girl's end up with guys who remind them of their fathers. For those of you who are fortunate to have great, loving relationships with your dads it's a comforting thought. But for me, the thought brings dread and fear to my heart.
If this theory holds true (and I'm hoping in faith that it doesn't!), than I will end up with a man whose eyes and heart will wander numerous times; a man who will grow bored with his children once they've grown past the cute and fun stages. He will grow distant and cold with each passing year. He will close his heart to me and our children. We will see less of him with each passing year until he is no more than a ghost to us - his haunting presence ever-lingering in our hearts. And no matter how hard I pray and wait for time to heal, there will always remain in me the smallest remnant of a tear - a remembrance of the joy of a father's love I once knew in my innocent/ignorant youth, but which is no more than a vaporous memory to me now.
Now, I know God has good in store for me, but sometimes I wonder if that good He's so wanting to pour out upon me will have to be found solely in these kinds of dire circumstances. Yes, I will admit that a big part of my heart is deathly afraid of being hurt and that's something that I am working on each day as I slowly learn to trust and open my heart, to be vulnerable and broken before Him and those around me. But in a strange way... I find a sort of peaceful hope amidst my brokenness. Because I know that only in my continued brokenness before Him will I ever be made whole. And I take comfort in knowing that He is "a father to the fatherless" and "make[s] all things new" in Him. And though I might always carry these scars, Christ has taken them upon Himself as well, sharing in my pain and offering me His divine grace, acceptance, love and victory. Like that old Southern hymn says:
He walks with me and He talks with me.
And He will continue to walk me through this life;
He will rejoice with me as we summit my victories
He will lead me down through and back out of the lowest chasms of this life
He will bear with me as I falter and forget the victorious grace I have in Him
And will continue to speak His soft, loving words until I return to that place beneath His wing
He will restore me and piece me back together again
So in the end I will resemble more of His likeness and less of mine
And though it may hurt like hell, He will sustain and guide me through
With strength and wisdom
With love and patience
And with a mercy and grace that I don't deserve.
*** Sorry... if this entry was a bit... (mmm... what's the word? ...)
depressing, but these were the thoughts that ran through my mind on my way home this evening. Yes, I think... A LOT... constantly, really... much
too much for my own good sometimes and, unfortunately, YOU have to bear with what comes out of those pregnant thoughts here, in these blogs.] I should really reward those of you who are able to get through these LONG entries. I know I would be intimidated and turned off at just the shear volume of words (so many words!).
